swipe-left-3-512

15 Reasons We Swipe Left

  1. You look like a pedophile, serial killer, or crazy person (goes without saying).
  2. You are holding up a carcass of a dead deer/bear/duck/bunny. If hunting is your thing that’s cool, but we don’t need to see Bambi dripping blood from your arms. That being said, assault weapons in four of your five pictures kind of creep us out too.
  3. Your photos obviously span at least a decade, with no indication which photo is most recent. Although we kind of suspect it may be the one where you are 20 pounds heavier and actively balding.
  4. You have awkwardly cropped photos of your ex (or exes) out of all of your photos. Or worse, you are in pictures surrounded by different women with no indication if they are sisters, friends, ex wives, baby mamas etc. We do not want to spend time finding this out.
  5. On that same note, you have multiple pictures with babies or children. Don’t get us wrong, pictures with kids are adorable, but please give us some indication what is going on here: Are they your niece/nephew, best friend’s kid, baby you stole for a photo op? Otherwise we will assume you have 7 kids. Not knocking on fathers, just let us know what we are getting into!
  6. You are clearly drunk or in the process of getting drunk in the majority of your pictures. We are looking for fun, but we did the frat boy thing in college. Enough already.
  7. You have only one picture and no profile. And this should go without saying, but no picture at all is a definite NO. We like a little mystery, but that’s a gamble we aren’t going to take.
  8. Similarly, you have a hat or sunglasses in all of your pictures, or they are all taken at such a distance we will not be able to recognize you in public. It’s scary enough meeting an internet stranger in person.
  9. Same theory applies if all of your photos are with a giant group of friends. We don’t have time to play Where’s Waldo.
  10. Naked pictures of any kind. Naked mirror pics. Naked selfies. Creepy gym selfies are also included. Nope.
  11. You have multiple pictures of your car/motorcycle/ATV/boat collection. We are not interested in these things so we are not impressed. Show these off to your boys.
  12. You are dressed as woman, comic book character, wearing renaissance garb or any other strange outfit at an event that is clearly not Halloween. We wish we didn’t have to even make this statement, but these have all happened. Stop it.
  13. You are soliciting your business in your profile. If we need a plumber/electrician/stripper/IT guy we will use Google to find a legitimate professional not a Tinder creep. KThanksBye.
  14. Memes. Everyone loves a good meme. Your profile is for photos of you. We do not want to scroll through six memes before finally finding out what you look like.
  15. Along with that…you are not Cam Newton, or Peyton Manning, or Tom Brady, or Michael Jordan, or whatever celebrity athlete is trending right now. We know what they look like and your profile is not a good place to remind us that you are not them.

Reasons We Swipe Right

  1. You aren’t doing any of the things mentioned above.
  2. We find you reasonably attractive.

See guys it’s not so hard. Just don’t look like a total creep. Make sure your photos are clear and let us get a good idea of what you will actually look like IRL when we meet in the near future. Do not set yourself up for failure.

And we love pictures of you with your dog. Dogs are cute.

13 thoughts on “15 Reasons We Swipe Left

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s